Tubie love

The other day, I found myself at Target with a shirtless Elsie, looking for a new shirt for her to wear for the remainder of the day. We were in Salt Lake City for feeding therapy and visiting with family, so I couldn't run home and get a clean shirt. Elsie had thrown up on our way to feeding therapy, because she was angry and crying that her big sister wasn't sharing her toys with Elsie. Then at feeding therapy, while wearing the back-up clean clothes that I brought in the diaper bag, she spit out nearly all of the chocolate milk that we gave her and soaked her clean shirt. Lesson learned: carry more than one back-up outfit in the diaper bag at all times, and bring a bib for feeding therapy.

Anyway, I was at Target with my shirtless child, and I found myself holding her in a way that kept her feeding tube (button) hidden from view. I didn't want anyone to stare at her. Suddenly I thought to myself, "Why am I hiding her button? It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing embarrassing. It's how she eats." So I set my shirtless child on the floor and let her walk around, button uncovered and exposed to whoever may see her. Sure, some people did a double take. I'm sure there was more than one person who wondered what her button was. But no one pointed at her, no one stared cruelly or laughed or drew any attention to it in any way. 

It made me realize that I've never posted a picture of Elsie with her button uncovered. We generally try to keep a shirt on her just so that the button doesn't get snagged on something and get pulled out, and so have taken very few pictures of her with her button showing. If anyone ever asks about it, I'm happy to explain what her button is and why she has it, but I've been somewhat hesitant to post pictures. Why? I'm not sure. Like I said, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It is simply how she eats. So I've decided that I myself need to not be embarrassed or ashamed of it, and am going to proudly post pictures of my little tubie with her button. It's (literally) a part of her. Someday, there will come a day when we look back at this time, and remember when Elsie had a feeding tube, and will need pictures to document what it was like. Because she won't always have it. She will overcome her oral aversion. 

This is my sweet tubie, proudly showing off her button. It's a part of who she is.