Tube Wean, Day 5 & 6

Sorry I missed a day yesterday; I was tired and lazy and yada yada yada!

Let's see, what happened yesterday ... we had pancakes for breakfast, and she tried a few bites and then kept dipping her fingers in the syrup and jam. Sugar is good for you, right?

Uh .... I think we probably had some snacks and then lunch was grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup. She is doing pretty good with the soups and yogurts, peanut butter, cream cheese, honey, and nutella, among other things. I know those things aren't exactly the most healthy, but have no fear, we'll expand her tastes from there. It's really a matter of texture and ... melt-ability.

So yeah then we had Chinese food for dinner, because I needed a break, and Elsie went crazy. She was pretty hungry by dinner time, and went nuts with all of that food right in front of her. Lots and lots of tasting and chewing and she was so excited. Elsie loves food!

She's still working on swallowing solid foods. She's not all of a sudden eating and swallowing everything perfectly. But she's so excited to try and is working so hard.

Today went much the same. Lots of chewing and tasting, and doing well with liquid and meltable foods. And we brought snacks for Elsie to church for the first time ever! She ate and swallowed a bunch of Veggie Straws, broken into small enough pieces for her to easily handle them. We also brought a sippy cup with milk and a Gogurt. Elsie ate snacks in church, how cool is that?!

I had a bit of a breakdown this morning. It was a combination of not sleeping well and the stress of everything else. I let Clayton take care of the girls (plus he did the dishes and wiped off the table and counters, and swept the floor, because he's awesome) while I went back to my bed and cried a little. Honestly, this situation has been pretty stressful. Heidi explained to me that most kids get 5 or 6 months to learn the chewing and swallowing skills that we are expecting Elsie to learn in 10 days. It's a lot of pressure for both of us. I have so many doubts and worries, and this morning I let them take control of me. So I had my meltdown, cried to Heidi, and she "therapized" me, as I like to call it. She's fantastic at helping me see the big picture; how far Elsie has come, and how well she is doing, even compared to average children in their program. Something that she later texted me really stuck with me. This is what she said: "God made Elsie's miraculous little body. He provided (the funds) for the wean in an amazing way. He knows her and believes in her." Just what I needed to hear. Then we went to church. My emotions were still fairly close to the surface and a few things really struck me. One particular scripture quote really hit home:

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

At that point, I realized that I haven't been putting enough faith in God. What Heidi said was right. Heavenly Father knows and loves Elsie. He has brought her so incredibly far. He provided for us to pay for this therapy, through the generous donations of our loved ones. He's not going to bring us this far only to have things not work out. And then I remembered this post that I wrote just over a year ago. That song still touches my heart each time I hear it. "He will feed those who trust Him." I stopped what I was doing and asked myself if I really believed that was true. Do I believe that He will help Elsie eat? I do, without a doubt. 

So I ask for your continued faith and prayers, and I will be redoubling my own faith and prayers, and I know that with His help (and Heidi's!), Elsie will be successful. She has already made such huge progress and is doing fantastically well. I just need to look at the big picture and not be so impatient. I'm going to find His peace, and not be afraid anymore. He will feed those who trust Him.