|That's a US quarter next to Elsie's footprints. I didn't think to get her footprints when she was first born, so these are just from a few weeks ago. Still small, but they were much smaller in January!|
This post is a collaboration of my wandering thoughts as I drove home from the hospital last night. It seems that some of my more spiritual moments of reflection happen at this time. I was thinking last night of how the Lord answers our prayers in ways that we'd never expect, and how He uses the people around us to answer them. When I pray, I don't receive answers immediately and directly, like having a phone conversation. It takes me time to look back and recognize the ways that my prayers have been indirectly answered. I want to share with you some of my prayers that have been answered, and to make it easier for you to understand, I have made up a "conversation" between me and Heavenly Father. The "Me" parts are prayers that I have sent to Heaven, asking for help. The "Lord" parts are examples of how I've looked back and seen that my prayers have been answered, and I've made up what I've felt that His responses might be like if He were talking to me.
Me: Heavenly Father, I'm so scared/worried/uncertain about the future for my sweet baby. I don't know what to do.
Lord: Don't worry. Everything is under control, and I know what I'm doing, even if you don't understand right now. She will be ok, no matter what happens. In the meantime, I'm sending someone to visit you who has been down a similar road before, and she will bring you comfort.
Me: Heavenly Father, we only have one car, and Clayton needs to drive it to work each day. How will I visit my baby 40 miles away? We have Grandpa Sagers' big white truck that we use to feed the cows, but it would cost hundreds of dollars in fuel each week to drive back and forth. And can you imagine trying to park that huge truck in the tiny stalls in the hospital parking lot? We could use Joel's Durango, but it also takes a lot of expensive fuel. I'm scared to take the bus by myself (I know, I'm a coward), and it would take twice as long to get to the hospital, which is already a 50 minute drive. I don't know what to do.
Lord: Don't worry. I've got someone lined up who is generously going to loan you a car to use while Elsie is in the hospital.
Me: Heavenly Father, it's so hard to drop off Evje at somebody else's house for up to 4 hours at a time while I make the drive to the hospital, visit with Elsie for a short time, and then drive back. Evje can be so shy and sometimes she's clingy. I worry about her and the impact that this will have on her. At the same time, it's so hard to have to ask people all the time to help babysit her. Asking for help is hard. I don't know what to do.
Lord: I know you love both of your daughters very much. I know how hard it is to be away from one or the other child. I understand that it's hard to trust other people to watch her for you. I know that it's hard, because I sent you to earth to your earthly parents. I miss you and worry about you, but I know that you have been well-taken care of, and so is Evje. And don't worry about asking people to help you watch her. I have sent several sweet, caring, and understanding people who are happy to help you in your time of need, and they will gladly watch Evje for you. Your relationships with these sweet sisters will be strengthened and more deeply appreciated. Any time you serve someone, or let someone else serve you, your relationships are strengthened and fortified with love.
Me: Heavenly Father, I'm so worried about our finances. I don't know what to do.
Lord: Ha ha, don't you worry, I've completely got this one under control! Just to name a few examples, I've got two incredible cousins who are going to set up a fundraiser for you. I have someone who will give you a gas card, so that you don't have to worry about the price of fuel while driving to see your precious baby. I've got so many kind and generous strangers, friends, family, and neighbors who are willing to share with you their money, their food, their prayers and their love. How about a brand new, still-in-the-box, top-of-the-line car seat that will fit a tiny baby like yours when she's ready to come home--for free? Don't you worry about money. Trust me, I will take care of you.
Me: Heavenly Father, it's so hard not to be able to be with Elsie, and to be so far away from her. Also, I feel so helpless. I do not have the knowledge or power to take care of her by myself right now, and as a mother, that's frustrating. I don't know what to do.
Lord: Don't you worry about Elsie. Like I've told you before, I know how hard it is to be separated from your child. But Elsie is in the best possible place right now. I have sent so many kind, loving, and thoughtful nurses and other caretakers who do have the knowledge and equipment to take care of your baby. These people will bring comfort to you, knowing that they care about Elsie, they care about you and your family, they want the best for her, and will give her the best possible care. In time, you will gain the knowledge and understanding that you will need to be a full-time mother for your child. Until that day, have patience. The time that you will have with Elsie (the rest of her life and beyond) is huge, compared to the few short months that she is now away from you. You will have her for eternity.
Me: Heavenly Father, are you there?
Lord: I am here, and I love you.